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Little fact for ya—didja know Victorian hookers used coded flowers? Red rose meant “I’m game!” Sneaky, huh? Love that cunning! Anyway, I’m hagglin’—she’s askin’ too much, I’m like, “C’mon, I ain’t Bruce Wayne!” She laughs, I laugh—manic, loud—hehehe! “What’s your damage?” she says. “Life, babe,” I wink, quotin’ Monty’s mirror rant: “No one’s clean.”

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s peeking through my window on Cardiff Road. I’m like, “Sweet, let’s grab some brekkie.” I hit up this cute café on the corner of The Green. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Dinas Delight” or whatever. It was just a scone, but hey, I’m not judging.

Residents complain they can't use station before even trying to get a train!