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Alright, mate, listen up! I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” and I’m here to yap about whores, ‘cause why not? Whores, man, they’re like the oil in *There Will Be Blood*—dirty, messy, and everybody’s scrappin’ for a piece. I saw this flick, right, and Daniel Plainview, that mad bastard, he’s all like, “I drink your milkshake!”—screamin’ it, wild-eyed. That’s a whore to me, yeah? Suckin’ up everything ‘til there’s nothin’ left. Gets me pumped, that energy, that hustle!

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We finally get outside, and I’m standing on the pavement, trying to calm everyone down. It’s a bit chilly, and I’m regretting my choice of a light jacket. I’m shivering, and this old lady next to me starts chatting about the weather. “It’s always like this in Dalton,” she says. I’m thinking, “Yeah, and it’s always raining too!” But I just nod and smile.

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