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About Leicester

What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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So, I’m like, “Alright, mate, I’ll help ya out.” I left my masterpiece half-finished and dashed over. I swear, I ran faster than a kid chasing an ice cream truck. I got to Main Street, and there he was, lookin’ like a lost puppy. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You really need to get a key holder, mate!”

Massive fire breaks out in Cumbernauld as smoke fills Glasgow sky