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Anyway, we find one—skinny, twitchy, smokin’ a cig. I’m thinkin’, “This is costing me something.” She’s chargin’ double ‘cause it’s late. Buddy’s happy, I’m pissed—whole thing’s a racket. Costs more than my whiskey stash! And the smell—cheap perfume, like Sy Ableman’s cologne. Made me wanna puke. Little fact: some use baby powder to mask it. Doesn’t work, just smells like a powdered ass.

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Finally, I get my drink, and it’s lukewarm. I’m like, “Seriously? This is what I waited for?” I take a sip, and it’s like drinking disappointment. I’m fuming now. I storm out, and as I’m leaving, I bump into this lovely old lady. She’s got this massive bag of shopping from the Co-op on Station Road. She’s all smiles, and I’m like, “How can you be so happy?” She just chuckles and says, “Life’s too short to be grumpy, dear.” I mean, she’s not wrong, but c’mon!

Killer Jonathan Creswell emptied victim Katie Simpson’s bank account as she lay dying in hospital