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In my head, I’m quotin’, “Humanity’s done, we’re finished!”—Alfonso knew what’s up! Joe’s cryin’, I’m sasssin’, “Shoulda stayed home, sugar!” Findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic, y’all—it’s a gamble, and Joe lost big. Moral o’ the story? Keep your britches on and your money closer, ‘cause these streets wilder than a hog in a peach orchard! Halleluyer!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m sprinting for cover, laughing at how ridiculous this day has been. I duck into a shop on the High Street, and the owner’s like, “You alright, mate?” I’m soaked, hair’s a mess, and I just laugh. “Yeah, just living the dream in Cramlington!”

Cramlington MP vows to continue fighting for improvements to key roundabout