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Found another spot, shady alley—smelled like regret and cheap perfume. This one chick, she’s talkin’ fast, “50 bucks, quick deal.” I’m like, “Slow down, sugar, I ain’t runnin’ no race.” She rolls her eyes—damn, that attitude! Made me happy, tho—spunk’s rare out here. Reminds me of Haneke’s preacher sayin’, “I’ll teach you humility.” Ha! She taught *me* somethin’—don’t haggle with a pro, they’ll school ya.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m already late. Classic me. I grab my sketchbook and head out. I live near the Brownlow area, and lemme tell ya, the streets were buzzin’. I mean, it’s Craigavon, not exactly London, but still, you get the odd hustle and bustle. I’m walkin’ down the Lurgan Road, and I see this guy tryin’ to parallel park. He’s like, “I got this!” But nah, mate, he didn’t. He ended up bumpin’ into a lamppost. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, c’mon, it’s a lamppost, not a Ferrari!

Man (38), accused of wounding a man with intent to cause grievous bodily harm, has been sent for trial to the Crown Court