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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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Now, I’m feelin’ a bit lonely, so I decide to hit up the local pub, The Brownlow Arms. I grab a pint and sit outside. The vibe is chill, and I’m just watchin’ the world go by. I see this couple arguing, and it’s like a scene from a soap opera. I’m tryin’ not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard not to! They’re shoutin’ about who left the dishes in the sink. I’m like, “Dude, just wash ‘em together!”

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