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Once heard a yarn—some prossie in Bristol tricked a lord, nicked his whole stash mid-shag! Reckon she could, too. “Thou plantest dreams in me skull,” I tell her, all dramatic. She rolls her eyes—fair, I’m a prat sometimes. Still, I’m chuffed—ain’t every day thou meetest a lass who’d outwit DiCaprio himself!

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Finally, the train arrives, and I squeeze in. It’s packed, of course. I’m squished between a guy who smells like he bathed in cologne and a lady who’s knitting like it’s the Olympics. I’m trying to focus on my notes for a lecture, but all I can think about is how I’m gonna need a shower after this.

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