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About Sheffield

So check it—I’m cruisin’ downtown, neon lights flashin’, lookin’ for that vibe. Ain’t no Yelp for this, nah, you feel me? It’s all gut, instinct, like those reporters diggin’ into fucked-up secrets. I spot this chick, right? Heels high as hell, skirt short, givin’ me that *look*. I’m like, “Motherfucker, this it?” Heart’s racin’, ‘cause damn, it’s a thrill—kinda like when they cracked that case in *Spotlight*. “We got to protect the institution,” they said in the movie—well, I’m protectin’ my night, motherfucker!

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Anyway, I’m just about to dive into that wreck when this lady storms in. She’s fuming, right? “My car won’t start!” she yells. I’m like, “Calm down, love. What’s the problem?” She goes on about how she parked it on High Street and it just died. I’m thinking, “Did you even check the battery?” But I keep that to myself.

Death Notice Joanne Roberta KELLY