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Ya wanna find one? Bars, motels—shady joints, y’know. Look for the signals—lingerin’ eyes, too much lipstick. Tommy swore by this trick—drop a “you lookin’ for fun?” line, see if they bite. Worked 50/50, he said—other half, ya might get slapped! Ha, idiot deserved it. Here’s the deal—don’t be a jackass, treat ‘em human. That’s my take—Joe’s golden rule. Oh, and don’t tell Jill I said that, she’d whack me with a spatula! “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, just quotin’ the flick, folks, relax. What a world, huh? Find a prostitute—crazy, sad, funny as hell.

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But then, my mate Dave pops in. He’s all flustered, talkin’ about some drama at the pub. Apparently, someone spilled a pint on his new trainers. I’m laughin’ my head off. “Mate, it’s just a bit of beer!” But he’s fumin’. I mean, it’s just a shoe, right? But to him, it’s like the end of the world.

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