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I’m thinkin’, sittin’ there with my tequila, “The forest is alive with spirits,” like Boonmee says. Sex-dating’s got spirits too—hope, lust, desperation. You dodge the creeps, laugh at the bad pickup lines—“Are you French? Cuz *Eiffel* for you.” Ugh, shoot me. But when it clicks? Electric, baby. Like hittin’ a Rock Bottom on The Miz.

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So, I grab my phone, and it’s like a mini disco in my hand. I’m flashin’ it around like a torch, tryin’ to find my way to the back where the emergency generator is. I trip over a bag of sugar. Classic me, right? I’m cursing like a sailor, but hey, it’s Codicote. No one’s around to hear me. Or so I thought.

Council facing £70,000 bill after successful appeal to build 167 homes on green belt near Codicote