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Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m tellin’ ya, she’s a hot mess. Claims her car’s her lifeline—ha! More like her pimp’s ride. I’m diggin’ thru her files, and—surprise!—she’s crashed three times this year. Coincidence? I think not! “The knife awaits,” like in “Moolaadé,” but for her, it’s justice comin’. I’m giddy thinkin’ bout bustin’ her—take that, ya sneaky minx!

Clydach was described as a 'ghost town' just five years ago, but things have changed

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So I hit up the local hardware store on High Street. Man, that place is a maze! I’m wanderin’ around, lookin’ for chainsaws and wood glue. I ask this old bloke behind the counter, “Yo, where’s the chainsaws?” He just stares at me like I’m speakin’ Martian. Finally, he points me to the back. I swear, I coulda found it faster if I’d just followed the smell of sawdust.

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