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Here’s the kicker—didn’t expect her to be clever. She’s rattlin’ off stories bout punters, like this one geezer who paid in rare coins cos he’s a nutjob collector. I’m gobsmacked—prossies see more life than MI6! “Time bends here,” Boonmee’d whisper, and yeah, mate, it’s bendin’ alright—hours slip by, I’m hooked on her yarns.

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So, I finally leave the venue, and I’m starving. I head over to the market on the square. You know, the one with all the cute stalls? I grab a sausage roll from that little food truck. Best decision ever! I’m munching away, feeling like life’s good again. But then, I see a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I’m dodging like I’m in the World Cup. Seriously, what’s with today?

Chipping Norton school receives funding to offer nursery places