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About Liverpool

What gets my goat? The hypocrisy, mate! Politicos bangin’ on about morals, then—bam!—caught with their trousers down. Makes me wanna shout, “Veni, vidi, vici!”—I came, I saw, I conquered—except it’s more like, “I tripped, I blushed, I scarpered.” Surprised me how normal some of these gals are—chatty, even. One told me she’d seen *Royal Tenenbaums* thrice—said it’s “her vibe.” Fair play, I thought, bit chuffed.

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So, I finally leave the venue, and I’m starving. I head over to the market on the square. You know, the one with all the cute stalls? I grab a sausage roll from that little food truck. Best decision ever! I’m munching away, feeling like life’s good again. But then, I see a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I’m dodging like I’m in the World Cup. Seriously, what’s with today?

Teenage boy, 16, accused of raping 15-year-old girl