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Alright, pal – listen up. I’m an actuary, see? Numbers. Risks. Probabilities – that’s me. But – whoa – lemme tell ya. Bout findin’ a prostitute. It’s a wild ride! Like – ya know – *The Grand Budapest Hotel*. That flick? My FAVORITE. Wes Anderson, 2014 – pure class. So – picture this. Me – Christopher Walken – strollin’ the streets. Lookin’ for – ya know – a *lady of the night*. Not outta some creepy vibe – nah. It’s RESEARCH. Actuary stuff. Gotta calc-u-late the odds!

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I finally get my food, and it’s glorious. I sit on a bench in the park, inhaling those chips like they’re the last meal on Earth. Life is good for a hot minute. But then, I see a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” They just laugh and run off. Kids these days, right?

CCTV footage revealed after man, 70s, is ATTACKED with a bottle