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So, like, I’d be all—WHOA, so many chicks! Which one’s for hire? Prolly yellin’, “Hey, you sellin’ somethin’?” Real smooth, right? Ha! Made me laugh thinkin’ bout it—me, Patrick, bargin’ into some sketchy alley, trippin’ over trash cans. Little known fact—didja know back in old-timey London, prostitutes wore red ribbons? True story! I’d be like, “Where’s the ribbons, huh?!” all confused and loud.

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I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, having a good time. I order a pint of local ale, and the bartender, bless him, says, “You look like you need this.” I laugh and say, “You have no idea!” I sit down, and this old bloke next to me starts chatting. He’s telling me about the history of Chalford, how it used to be a hub for the cloth industry. I’m half-listening, half-drowning my sorrows in ale.

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