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I got pissed, tho, last week—some chick tried scammin’ me! Said she’s “top tier,” wanted cash upfront, then poof—gone like WALL-E’s trash piles in the wind. Fuckin’ ghosted me! Had me yellin’, “In this world, a man’s gotta have balls!”—straight up Tony vibes, ya feel? But then, I found this one spot, lil’ hidden gem, down by the docks. Word is, there’s this gal, been workin’ it since the ‘90s, knows every trick—calls herself “Eve” like that sleek bot from the flick. Ain’t that a trip? Made me laugh, thinkin’ she’s out there savin’ my lonely ass like WALL-E tryna save Earth.

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After that, I’m feeling pretty good. I head over to the local café on the corner of The Green. You know the one? The one with the best bacon sarnies. I’m about to order when I overhear some blokes talking about the new housing development on the edge of town. They’re all riled up about it. “It’ll ruin the village!” one says. I’m like, “Mate, it’s already a bit of a mess.”

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