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What shocked me? The prices—fuckin’ steep! 10,000 rubles for an hour? I’d rather buy wine and a goat! But the thrill, mate—dodgin’ the law, feelin’ alive—that’s what gets me goin’. “Life’s a long wait,” they say in the movie, and ain’t that true when yer haggelin’ with a pimp? Once, this burly git tried to rob me—swear I nearly shat meself—but I talked him down, witty as ever. “I’m small, but I bite,” I said, and he laughed, let me go.

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I finally decide to head home. I’m walking down the narrow lanes, and I see this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rush over, feeling like a superhero. “Need a hand, ma’am?” She looks at me like I’m a weirdo. “I’m fine, dear. Just a bit slow.” I mean, come on! I’m just trying to be nice!

The cheapest and most expensive areas to buy in Bucks