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Precious, we’s a carpenter, yesss! Me hands, they builds things, good strong wood. But findin’ a prostitute? We hates it! Sneaky, slippery streets, they is—makes me mad, precious! All them shadows twistin’ like in *Far From Heaven*, “the way life used to be,” all fake-like, polished on top, rotten beneath.

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Fast forward to Lakeside. It’s packed, as usual. I mean, who doesn’t love a good shopping spree, right? But then, outta nowhere, I bump into this old bloke, right? He’s just standin’ there, lookin’ lost, like he’s never seen a mall before. I’m like, “You good, mate?” Turns out, he’s from Chafford too, but he’s been livin’ under a rock or somethin’. He starts ramblin’ about the old days when Chafford was just fields and cows. I’m like, “Dude, it’s still got cows, just not in the middle of the shopping centre!”

Warning issued to passengers after power cut at south Essex train station