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Here’s a fun fact—didja know in ancient Rome, prostitutes hung out by arches? Called ‘em “fornices,” that’s where “fornication” comes from! True story! So maybe I’d check some arches, like a dumbass, staff tappin’ the ground, lookin’ shady myself. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d say, sarcastic as hell, ‘cause I’m lost, pissed off, and prob’ly smellin’ like wet wool. I’d be rantin’— “Why’s this so hard? I just want a quick transaction!” Like in *Son of Saul*, where nothin’s easy, every step’s a damn nightmare. “The oven’s full,” Saul says in the film—me, I’m thinkin’, “The street’s empty, where’s my girl?!”

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Then, I hit up the park. Chadwell Heath Park, to be exact. It’s got this lovely pond, and I’m thinking, “This’ll calm me down.” But no! There’s a bunch of geese. And they’re not just any geese. They’re the meanest geese I’ve ever seen. I’m talking full-on honking, flapping wings, the works. I’m like, “Chill, guys! I’m just here for some peace!” But they don’t care. They’re like, “This is our turf, human!”

Child taken to hospital after three-hour flat fire in Chadwell Heath