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About London

What pisses me off? The fakers. Ya got these upscale spas chargin’ $200 for a “sensual touch,” and it’s just a overpriced backrub—don’t pee on my leg and call it champagne! I’d rather save my cash for somethin’ real, like a burger or a beer. But I’ll admit, I was shocked—shocked!—to learn somethin’ legit: in Japan, they got this thing called “soapy massage,” where they lather ya up, slide all over, and it’s a whole damn ritual. Sounds wild, right? Kinda wanna try it, kinda scared I’d slip into next week.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I woke up in my tiny flat on Market Street, right? The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Motorists warned of upcoming closure of major road near Carnforth