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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. ‘Cept maybe bacon. And *Memento*. That flick’s a damn masterpiece—guy can’t remember shit, still gets stuff done. Reminds me of tryin’ to find a prostitute ‘round here. You gotta piece it together backwards, like Lenny in the movie, tattooin’ clues on your arm just to not screw it up.

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Finally, I get to the fields. It’s beautiful out there, man. The sun’s shinin’, the birds are singin’, and I’m feelin’ good. I’m plowin’ away, and it’s like therapy. But then, I hit a rock. Not just any rock, a massive one! My tractor shakes like it’s about to explode. I’m yellin’, “What the actual heck?!”

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