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Oi, mate, I’m Loki—smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” y’know? So, findin’ a prostitute, eh? Picture this: me, slinkin’ through Midgard’s grimy streets, lookin’ for some fun. I ain’t no saint, right? Saw this bird—legs for days, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owned it. Reminded me of *Blue Is the Warmest Color*—that raw, messy vibe. “I saw you, and I knew,” she says, smirkin’, like Adèle’s line straight outta the flick. Got me thinkin’—this ain’t just a quick shag, it’s art, innit?

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So, I’m feelin’ all proud, right? But then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a goat on the loose! A freakin’ goat! It’s runnin’ down the street, and people are losin’ their minds. I’m like, “Is this a normal Tuesday in Caerphilly?” I chase after it, thinkin’ I can wrangle it like I do with bulls. Spoiler alert: I can’t. The goat’s faster than me, and I’m just a dude in a tight outfit.

Caerphilly’s new leisure centre could cost a further £2.5m