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She’s prattlin’ on— “Cash upfront, guv!”—and I’m all, “Hang about, *cave felis*, beware the cat, yeah?” Tryin’ to haggle, cos I’m a cheapskate—big surprise there. She rolls her eyes—seen it all, she has. Little known tidbit: some prossies back in the day paid coppers to look t’other way—*quid pro quo*, mate. Bet she’s got old Bill on speed dial, cheeky mare.

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But here’s the kicker. While I’m workin’ on him, I hear this commotion outside. I peek out the window on the High Street, and there’s a seagull swoopin’ down, tryin’ to steal someone’s chips. I’m like, “Dude, even the birds are savage today!”

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