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Dunno why it’s such a faff, though—apps crash, streets are rank, and half the time you’re dodgin’ coppers or some nutter shoutin’, “Mediocre!” at ya. Makes me happy when it works out, mind—bit of human contact, bit of chaos, like drivin’ full pelt with Immortan Joe on yer tail. Personal quirk? I’m mutterin’ movie lines the whole time—“Oh, what a day, what a lovely day!”—looks proper mental, but keeps me sane.

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Suddenly, I hear shouting outside. I rush out, and there’s this guy, clearly having a meltdown. He’s yelling about something, and I’m like, “Oh great, just what I need.” Turns out, he’s lost his phone. I’m trying to help, but he’s all over the place. I mean, come on, mate, it’s Brynmawr, not London! Just retrace your steps!

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