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Last time, I roll up, she’s standin there—leather skirt, smokin a cig. “Witness me!” she yells, like she’s auditionin for Immortan Joe. Made me laugh my ass off—hot AND funny? Jackpot! Paid her double cos I’m a greedy bastard, wanted her all night. She told me this story—some john tried stiffin her, ended up with a wrench in his skull. Tough broad. Had me grinnin ear to ear.

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So, I’m sippin’ my new drink (thankfully, she made me another one) and I see this old bloke outside. He’s tryin’ to feed the pigeons on the street. But these pigeons? They’re like, “Nah, mate, we’re not hungry.” They just stare at him like he’s lost his marbles. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in Brynamman, not a bloody park in London!”

£250,000 worth of speed cameras installed ‘following deaths on road’ vandalised