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Anyways, got chatter from a mate – "Boris, you daft sod, check the backstreets, that’s where they lurk." Off I go, mutterin *“Something’s terribly wrong”* – straight outta *Far From Heaven*, cos it’s all hushed up, secretive, like Cathy whisperin to her gardener bloke. Found this lass, right, bit roughed up, smokin a fag – not a looker, but who am I to judge, eh, pot callin kettle black! Asked her, “How’s tricks, love?” She goes, “Piss off, posh boy,” – fair dos, got a giggle outta me. Cheeky mare!

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Finally, I head back inside, and it’s nearly closing time. I’m exhausted but happy. Bovingdon’s a wild place, full of surprises. I love it, though. It’s my home. I mean, where else can you have a parrot fly off, a kid with ice cream, and a dog causing mayhem all in one day?

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