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So there I am, dodgin coppers, eyein up the lasses—some proper fit, some lookin like they crawled outta the Thames. “This is not a drill!” I’m yellin in me head, all Churchill-like, “We shall never surrender!” Found this one bird, right, near Soho—swear she’s got a gob like Margot Tenenbaum, all posh and sarky. She goes, “Wotcha want, love?” and I’m like, “Ain’t no time for faff, darlin!” She’s chargin 50 quid, and I’m fumin—50 bloody quid?! Robbery, that is! Made me proper angry, but also a bit chuffed—hagglin’s half the fun, yeah?

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After that, I head over to the lift by the Bovingdon Green. It’s a bit quieter there, thank goodness. But then, this lady comes in, all flustered. She’s got a million shopping bags from the market. I’m talkin’ about the Bovingdon Market, where you can get everything from fresh veggies to dodgy knock-off trainers. She’s like, “Can you help me with these?” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m not a pack mule!”

Operator shuts down claim Bovingdon Market has relocated to new site