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Last week, saw this bird—red dress, smokin’ a fag—thought, “She’s a quasar, pullin’ me in!” Asked her rate, she smirked—£50, quick job. Bargained like a nutter, got it to £40—felt like I cracked gravity! But then—anger hit—bloke nearby yelled at her, “You’re filth!” Made me mad, mate—who’s he to judge? “They’re all hypocrites,” like Grace said, hidin’ their own dirt. Hypocrisy’s denser than a neutron star, swear it.

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So, I’m walking down the seafront, and it’s a beautiful day. The sun’s shining, kids are playing, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I mean, c’mon! I didn’t even get a bite! I was ready to throw hands with that bird. Like, who does it think it is? The king of the coast?

MATCH PREVIEW – Dartford v Bognor Regis Town