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Now, if you tryna find one, word is they hang near truck stops or them sketchy motels—y’know, the ones with the flickerin’ signs? But don’t be dumb like Ray-Ray, thinkin’ it’s all easy. I told him, “Boy, you’ll end up broke or in jail!” He grinned, sayin’, “Madea, I’m smooth!” Smooth? Chile, he smoother than a porcupine in a blender!

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Blairgowrie.

After that, I decide to take a walk by the River Ericht. It’s beautiful, right? The water’s sparkling, and I’m feeling a bit zen. But then, I see this guy trying to fish. He’s got this massive net, and I’m thinking, “What’s he trying to catch? A whale?” Turns out, he’s just after some trout. I mean, good luck with that, mate.

Thug jailed for nine years for brutal attack on man in Perthshire street