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About Leicester

So I’m walkin’, right? Down some sketchy alley—smells like piss and regret. I see this gal, lean dagger of a dame, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig like she’s in a noir film. I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t right!” Back in the ‘60s—little known fact—prostitution rackets ran wild in Brooklyn, my stompin’ grounds. Mob’d shake ‘em down, leave ‘em broke. Now? Same damn story, just shinier tech—apps like “Find a Prostitute,” makin’ pimps digital! Billionaires profit, workers starve! “Billionaires should not exist!” I yell, fist shakin’. She looks at me, smirks—says, “Cool it, grandpa, want a date or not?”

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But then, I see it. A dog. A big ol’ Labrador, just chillin’ in the middle of the road. Cars are honkin’, and the poor thing looks confused. I’m thinkin’, “Someone’s gotta save that pup!” So I dash out, apron and all, and try to coax it over. It’s like a scene from a movie, me in my butcher gear, tryin’ to save the day. Finally, I get it to move, and the owner comes runnin’ up, all flustered. Turns out, it’s Mrs. Thompson from the corner of Bishopsworth Road. She’s grateful, but I’m just relieved I didn’t get run over.

Person taken to hospital after huge 999 response