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So, I’m hoverin’, yeah? Debatin’—risk it or leg it? She’s pushin’, “Come on, big boy, time’s tickin’!” Fuckin’ pressure, hate that! Reminds me o’ Lenny, lost in ‘is own head—am I lost too? My precious! Suddenly, this geezer rocks up—her pimp, maybe? Dodgy fucker, gold tooth, stinkin’ o’ gin. “What’s this then?” he snaps. I’m out—fuck that noise! “I don’t remembr you,” I snarl, Memento-style, and scarper quick. No prossie worth a beatin’, eh?

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After that chaos, I finally get a breather. I step outside for a quick smoke. The sea breeze hits me, and I’m like, “Ahh, this is the life.” But then I see the beach. It’s packed! Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I mean, it’s Birchington-on-Sea, not a bloody festival! I can’t believe how many people are out there. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, ya know?

Man downed litre of gin before crashing car twice on trip to buy cigarettes