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Sex-dating’s messy—profiles lie, pics are old, and some dude’s like, “I’m 6’2,” but shows up shorter than Plankton! Makes me wanna scream, “Who am I?!”—total *Memento* vibes! But the thrill? Oh, it’s like divin’ into the deep end of Goo Lagoon! You might score a hottie or just a funny story—either way, I’m gigglin’ like a goofball! Once heard this wild tale—guy met a gal on Tinder, turns out she was his cousin! Talk about a plot twist—Nolan woulda loved that!

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I walk in, and it’s packed. I finally find a spot, and just as I sit down, this kid spills his drink all over my laptop. I’m about to lose it. But then, I see the kid’s face—he’s terrified. I can’t be mad at him. I just laugh it off. “It’s all good, mate! Just a little water!”

A former library near Wigan which did not reopen after the pandemic has now gone up for sale