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Once knew this guy, Tony—swore he met a hooker who only took Bitcoin. Bitcoin! Who’s got that lyin’ around? Laughed my ass off, but he was dead serious. Said she was classy, too—like, high-end call girl vibes. “I use sex to fill the void,” Brandon says in the movie, and I’m like, damn, Tony’s livin’ that. Me, I’m just tryna promote the good life, y’know?

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But then, as I’m munching away, I see this guy on the corner of Church St. He’s got a sign that says “Free Hugs.” I’m like, “What? Is this a thing now?” So, I go up to him, and he’s super chill. We hug it out, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, he starts talking about the meaning of life. I’m just standing there, half-eaten sausage roll in hand, thinking, “Bro, I just wanted a hug, not a TED Talk.”

Plans for modern luxury homes on edge of town set to be approved