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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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So, I finally find the uni. It’s tucked away, all cozy-like. I’m thinkin’, “Alright, let’s do this!” But then, bam! Fire alarm goes off. Seriously? I’m standin’ there, half in my lecture mode, half in “what the heck is goin’ on?” mode. Everyone’s rushin’ out, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. I mean, I’m a prof, I gotta set an example, right? But inside, I’m like, “This is a nightmare!”

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