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About Myself
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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.
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Turns out, it’s a delivery van that’s just smashed into a lamppost on Belsize Park Road. I mean, seriously? Who’s drivin’ that thing? I rush over, and the driver’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ dazed. I’m like, “You good, mate?” He’s all, “I thought I was on the other side of the road!” I can’t even.
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