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So, I’m wanderin, thinkin bout Scarlett whisperin, “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be.” Same, girl, same! I’m tryna find a real one, not some posh scam. Did ya know, back in old Tokyo, geishas weren’t even hookers? Nah, just fancy dancers! Blows my mind, that. But here, it’s gritty – girls on corners, smokin, yellin, “Oi, mate, you lost?” I’m like, “Yeah, precious, lost as fuck!”

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First stop, I’m at the Beccles Quay. Beautiful spot, right by the River Waveney. I’m all set to show off the boats and the lovely views. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my bacon sarnie! Like, seriously?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flies off with my breakfast. I mean, who does that? Seagulls in Beccles are like little flying bandits.

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