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I dig the hustle, tho. Like Monty plannin’ his last night, they got moves. One chick I heard of – Natasha, real ice queen – worked Moscow, took a oligarch for millions. Faked tears, played fragile, then bam, gone with his yacht! “This city’s a fuckin’ zoo,” Monty’d say, and escortin’s the wildest cage. Sarcasm? Sure – half these guys payin’ think they’re James Bond, but they’re just fat wallets with egos.

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But then, something unexpected happens. One of the tourists, this lovely lady, helps me up and offers me a tissue. She’s like, “You alright, love?” And I’m like, “Yeah, just my dignity took a hit.” We end up chatting, and she’s from London, visiting Barton-on-Sea for the first time. She’s raving about the views and the beach. I’m like, “You’ve got good taste!”

Controversial plans for new play park given the go-ahead