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So I sashay over, all Marilyn-like, breathy an’ bold, “Hiya, sugar, got time?” She laughs—deep, husky—says, “For you, blondie, always.” I’m tickled pink! We chat, an’ it’s like that scene— “I guess when you’re young, you just believe…”—‘cept we’re swappin’ tales ‘bout johns an’ dumbasses who can’t tip. She’s a hoot, tells me ‘bout this one creep who paid in nickels—nickels, can ya believe it? I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I snort.

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After that, I get a break. I grab a cuppa from the café on Barnet High Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I sit outside, watchin’ the world go by. Old folks, young couples, kids runnin’ wild. It’s a proper slice of life. But then, I see this guy in a suit, lookin’ all stressed. He’s on his phone, shoutin’ about some “urgent meeting.” I’m like, “Mate, you’re in Barnet, not Wall Street!”

Barnet Council saves £1.2 million through Damage to Highways scheme