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About Newcastle

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Detective Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Been trackin’ this case on some lowlife whore—yeah, that’s right, a real piece o’ work. Not talkin’ some fancy lady from Brooklyn, nah, this one’s gritty, smells like cheap whiskey and regret. Reminds me o’ my favorite flick, *Brooklyn*—you know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley. Eilis, she had guts, leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ somethin’ better. This whore? She ain’t chasin’ nothin’ but the next paycheck on her back.

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After that, I decide to hit the park. It’s a nice day, sun’s out. I plop down on a bench, and this dog runs up to me. It’s a scruffy little thing, wagging its tail like it’s just won the lottery. I’m petting it, and its owner, this guy named Steve, comes over. “He’s a good boy, innit?” I’m like, “Yeah, he’s living his best life!”

Police appeal as thief recalled to prison