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Love the chaos of it, mind. Sticky tables, dim lights, some Enya crap playing—pure theatre! Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture it: you’re there, starkers, hoping for a thrill, and she’s knackered from rubbing 10 other sods. “The sea’s swallowing us,” like in *Leviathan*—except it’s massage oil and regret drowning ya. Sarcasm’s my mate here—cos who believes it’s “just a massage”? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!

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First off, I hit the streets of Ballymena, right? You know, the usual hustle on Church Street. It was like a bloody circus! People everywhere, cars honkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to get my head straight. Grabbed a coffee from that wee café on the corner—what’s it called? Oh yeah, The Coffee Bar. Best flat whites in town, no joke. But the barista? She was in a mood. Like, chill out, love! It’s just coffee, not rocket science!

'In his contributions to the agricultural community and especially the potato industry, he was often ahead of his time'