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Here’s the deal, tho — ya gotta know where to look. Dark alleys, shady bars, even them sketchy massage joints. Pro tip: if they say “happy ending,” it ain’t just a back rub, heh! Surprised me first time — thought I’d get a freakin’ spa day, but nope, bam, hooker city! Made me giggle like a dumbass kid. Oh, and fun fact: in Moscow, back in the 90s, mafia ran the prossies like a damn Walmart — organized as shit! Ain’t that nuts?

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Finally, I get to Clapham, and I’m feeling good. I meet my mates, and we’re having a laugh. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. We dash back to Balham, soaked to the bone. I’m like, “This is why I don’t leave the house!”

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