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But here’s the kicker—what pisses me off? The cheeky sods who try rippin’ ya off. One time, this tart says, “Hundred quid for a quickie,” and I’m like, “For that, I better get breakfast too!” Made me proper mad, but I laughed it off—Bond don’t lose his cool. Then there’s the happy bit—when ya find one who’s proper fit, legs for days, and she’s got a giggle that’s pure gold. Surprised me once, this one gal knew judo—nearly flipped me over! “Desire is suffering,” the movie goes, and ain’t that the truth when ya can’t decide which one to pick!

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Later, I get a surprise visit from Mrs. MacLeod. She’s a sweet old lady who lives on Seaforth Road. She comes in every Thursday for her gin and tonic. Today, though, she’s got a wild look in her eye. Turns out, she just won the bingo at the community center! She’s waving her ticket like it’s a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s factory. I’m so happy for her! I mean, who doesn’t love a good bingo win?

Two people treated at scene of two-vehicle crash on A9 north of Alness