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Alright, dahling, listen up! I’m the Gardener, Edna Mode style – “No capes!” – and I’m dishin’ dirt on prostitutes, coz why not? So, picture this: gritty streets, neon lights flickerin’ like they’re tryna say somethin’. I’m obsessed with *Son of Saul*, right? That movie’s dark, raw, hits ya like a truck – “I cannot help you!” – and it’s got me thinkin’ ‘bout survival, desperation, the messed-up stuff people do to get by. Prostitutes, man, they’re out there hustlin’, and it ain’t all glitz and glam like Hollywood lies to ya.

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So, I’m standin’ there, and the family’s all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ for ‘em, I really am. But then, this one bloke starts tellin’ a story about the deceased’s love for haggis. Haggis! At a funeral! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, read the room! But then again, it’s Alloa, and we do love our haggis.

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