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Alright, so I’m an insurance investigator, right? And I’m thinkin’—find a prostitute, what a freakin’ mess that’d be! I mean, you’re diggin’ through claims, frauds, and then—bam!—some lady’s invoicing "services" from Timbuktu! Not the movie, mind you, but the vibe—dusty, chaotic, "the world’s gone mad!" like Sissako’d say. I’m sittin’ there, sweatin’, neurotic as hell, goin’, “Who’s payin’ for this?!” Pretty, pretty good scam, huh?

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Then, I head to the park near the Alloa Leisure Bowl. I need a breather. I plop down on a bench, and this wee dog runs up to me. It’s all waggin’ its tail, and I’m like, “Aww, mate, you’re the highlight of my day!” I start petting it, and the owner comes over, all apologetic. “Sorry, he’s a bit of a nuisance.” I’m like, “Nah, he’s a legend!”

National two-minute silence announced to mark VE Day anniversary