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About Liverpool

Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Then, I get a call from my mum. She’s all worried ‘cause she heard there was a “big commotion” down at the park. I’m like, “Mum, chill! It’s just the kids playin’ footy.” But she’s convinced it’s some sort of crisis. I tell her I’ll check it out after work.

Rebecca Adlington recounts harrowing miscarriage 'with no symptoms or explanation' on Loose Women - and admits