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So, check it—sex-dating’s wild, right? Apps like Tinder, Grindr, they’re shaggin’ machines! Little factoid for ya: back in ’13, Tinder blew up, and folks were hookin’ up faster than rabbits on rollerskates. Made me happy as a clam—options galore! But then, ugh, the creeps crept in. Ghostin’, catfshin’, it’s a jungle, man! Once matched this bird—total fox—but she was a dude! Swear, my mojo took a hit that day. “The sun’s gone,” like that monk in the movie says—felt that hard.

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But then, just when I think it’s winding down, the fire alarm goes off! Everyone’s freaking out, and I’m just standing there like, “What now?” We all pile outside, and I’m thinking, “This better not be a drill.”

Addlestone Hebrew Academy to pay tribute to Bibas family with memorial garden