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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

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After a while, they let us back in. Turns out it was a false alarm. Phew! I’m back to the exhibits, and I finally get to the chemistry booth. They’re doing some wild experiments. I’m watching this one guy mix stuff, and it explodes! Not like, kaboom, but more like a fizz and a pop. I’m cracking up, and the presenter’s face is priceless.

Man avoids jail after admitting 'unpleasant, disgusting' child sex offence