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Back in the day—little known fact—folks used newspapers for hookups! Classified ads, “lonely Jedi seeks princess,” that vibe. Now it’s all digital, profiles flashin’ like lightsabers. I dig it tho—makes me happy seein’ people shoot their shot. This one time, I matched with some chick who said she’d “turn my dark side light”—corny as hell, but I laughed my helmet off. Still, sex-dating’s a gamble. Ya might score, or ya might end up chattin’ with a dude named Dave pretendin’ to be Leia.

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Now, what gets me riled up? Gawd, let me tell ya, the traffic on Maple Lane be a nightmare sometimes! I mean, like, baby, I’m tryin’ to get to my spa on time! But then I take a deep breath, channel my inner spirited wanderer, and remember that every bump's just a lesson in life – ain’t no witch hunt here, just pure soul food!

Wombwell shop fined £9,000 for breaking food safety laws