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But ugh, what pisses me off? The hypocrites! Politicians bangin’ escorts, then preachin’ purity – spare me! I’m over here like, “No capes, no fakes!” – just own it, ya sleazeballs! I ran some numbers once – probs 1 in 3 johns are married. Shocker, right? Surprised me how high it was, but then again, men are dumbasses. Oops, typo – dumasses. Whatever!

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And hey, don't get me started on the local markets! They pop up near Witham Leisure Park. I love that smell of street food and fresh produce - it warms me up like a good hug. Honestly, sometimes I'm shocked by the energy – and sometimes, oh my god, I'm mad because it's so damn vibrant that I can't keep up with the changes.

Officers 'concerned' after Witham businesses see a string of vandalization incidents